A dump, bonkers, cool - The view of London from Google searches
Tooting is the new Shoreditch, Balham is the new Clapham, Croydon is a dump and east London is like Bengal, according to Google.
Putting in places across the capital into the search engine comes up with some intriguing autocomplete results, and some unsurprising ones.
For example if you write ‘The Shard is…’ the most popular suggested terms are ‘ugly’, ‘empty’ and ‘is it worth it?’.
Though presumably they mean the exorbitant fee to visit the skyscraper’s viewing platform, not in a socio-economic, cultural kind of way.
Many popular searches reflect both old-fashioned views and the changing face of areas, with Hackney both ‘friendly, dangerous and rough’, and Brixton ‘dangerous, cool, and changing’.
If you search for places in trendy east London you get ‘Shoreditch is over, Shoreditch is dead’, the popular refrain of those who think it’s cool to declare the place other people think is cool, not cool.
The fact it is such a well-used search term to appear as an autocomplete result suggests hipsters are constantly checking just to make sure they’re still on-trend with the whole ‘Shoreditch is over’ idea.
Come on guys, give it a rest.
But Google does seem to have a suggestion for them; if you search for Tooting the top result is ‘the new Shoreditch’.
So off you pop on your fixies, down to south London, take your moustaches with you.
As for south London in general, Google searches do not suggest it is entirely popular, with ‘dangerous’ and ‘ghetto’ coming up for the area.
Croydon gets ‘horrible’ and ‘a dump’, and Bromley gets ‘crap’ and ‘bonkers’ when you put them into the search engine.
North London is seemingly a little confused about what colour it is, with both red and white appearing the search results, reflecting the area’s footballing rivalry.
And as for the city, Google searchers are pretty clear; the first three results for ‘The City of London is…’ are: “Not London, not part of England, and not actually London.”
So that’s sorted then.
Some are just heartbreaking; just below ‘cool’, ‘is it safe’ and ‘is a dump’ for Camberwell is ‘which train line is it on?’.
Oh you poor suckers…
From across the city there are plenty of places seemingly thought of as dumps (it even comes up for Harrow and Hounslow), and for nearly every place people search ‘is it safe?’.
But, before you start attacking you neighbours in the capital, remember that if you search simply for ‘London is…’ then you get London is funny, London is the place for me, and finally, London is London.
So that’s nice.