Latest London news, sport & entertainment

Local Weather

Partly Cloudy

Partly Cloudy

max temp: 13°C

min temp: 5°C

Five-day forecast

Steve Brookstein Blog: It’s The Great Pumpkin, Simon Cowell!

Simon Cowell  File picture: PA Simon Cowell File picture: PA

Steve Brookstein, London24’s X-Factor blogger
Friday, November 23, 2012
3:51 PM

Simon Cowell can’t be a happy captain. The X Factor USA is sinking. However, it still might be a while before it finally goes down.

To send a link to this page to a friend, you must be logged in.

There’s plenty of car crash TV left in those old sea legs. (Maybe I should have said, “shipwreck TV” as I’m going with a nautical themed blog. Well, except for the title. “X Factor –All At Sea” was my first choice but Great Pumpkin just made me laugh.)

Last year Simon said, “Anything less than 20 million viewers would be a disappointment”. Yet, the first series never went much above 12 million and so far this year it is regularly slipping under 8 million viewers.

It is no longer competing with the other talent shows, The Voice or Idol, but instead it is losing out to re-runs of “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” and “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.”

You can understand his desire to sail back to Old Blighty where he is still loved.

Despite being the first to jump ship in 2010, charismatic Cowell is now returning to the UK to save ITV’s Costa Concordia.

Captain Cowell will need to take drastic action if he is to salvage this stricken cruise ship and in the panic a few judges will be lost.

Young Tulisa will be the first victim to be accidently on purpose pushed overboard. Smoking, sex tapes and blaming the public for voting is unacceptable behaviour for any of Cowell’s crew.

Nice Gary Barlow who was responsible for bringing us Frankie Cocozza will sneak into a lifeboat and will escape unscathed, just as long as he can resist the temptation of calling any of the women or children “fag breath”.

Louis is going nowhere. He’ll still be sitting on the deck listening to Jedward as the lights go out.

There will be an inquiry as to who is to blame for the show hitting the rocks and luckily for Cowell, Christopher Maloney will be lost at sea and unable to testify.

Cowell will say sorry to the public for losing their trust (again) and he will pray that they believe him again. But one thing is for certain; this is one captain who won’t go down with his ship. Follow @stevebrookie

See Steve Wednesday 28th November at The St James Theatre Studio Booking: 0844 264 2140

Win dinner for two at the show by clicking the link below.

Share this article

submit to reddit submit to Fark

Latest tv news & reviews

0 comments

LDN24 Promotions

Always wanted to create your own beer? Perfect Pint are giving you the chance.

WIN beer with Beer BingoTM

When no simple way to find Real Ale was at hand, 4 Ale enthusiasts got together to allow anyone with a smart phone to find Real Ale no matter where they happened to be, this was the birth of the Perfect Pint app.

Read full story »

The Week subscription offer

The Week magazine special offer

London24 have partnered up with The Week magazine to offer you a complimentary issue – delivered free to your door.

Read full story »

Bird Box, the debut novel penned by Josh Malerman, frontman of Detroit based rock band The High Strung

DON’T OPEN YOUR EYES

London24 has teamed up with HarperCollins to offer a free Amazon Kindle taster of Bird Box, the debut novel penned by Josh Malerman, frontman of Detroit based rock band The High Strung.

Read full story »

Things to do