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The big news this week in X Factor land is that Simon Cowell has joined Twitter.

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The not so big news is that Strictly Come Dancing beat his show in the ratings war once again.

Also, in the USA, X Factor is at a season low of just 9.45 million viewers. Somehow I don’t think Simon would have bothered going on Twitter if it were getting the 20 million viewers like he predicted.

Don’t expect much of an insight into brand Cowell from his tweets. It will be just another vacuous celebrity account flogging related wares.

It’s been a number of years since I spoke with the Dark Lord so I thought I’d send him a welcome message, although the last time I sent him an email I received one back from his lawyer instead. “If you want to speak to Mr Cowell then speak to us!” was the gist.

No reply yet to my latest message asking him to get Sinitta off the telly!

Another X Factor act has been voted off the show which means only one thing. It’s another week closer to Christmas and I still haven’t started buying presents.

On Sunday I went to Bluewater to meet friends for lunch. It was the first time in ages I had been there and I could feel the pull of an unnecessary purchase. I bought a dinosaur book for my son and already I’m starting to ask myself why?

Christmas is a time for giving but not wasting. I had many dinosaurs and books as a kid and what did I learn? Nothing. I can’t remember anything prehistoric except maybe T-Rex, Godzilla and The Flintstones. It was a total waste of my parent’s money. I would have been better off with a book of guitar chords.

I never had a guitar or even wanted one but now I wish I had. My son will thank me when he is 17 at a campfire and he pulls out his Gibson and plays Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here to a group of lovely girls, while his green-eyed peers frantically try to impress them with the eating habits of a Diplodocus.

Apart from my desire to do what is best for my son and help the economy I keep finding little things that annoy me and spoil my shopping experience.

I noticed that Bluewater have painted blue footprints on every step of the escalators so you know where to put your feet. London Underground has 409 escalators and have over two million users every day and there is not one pair of silly blue footprints helping us out.

How stupid do they think shoppers are? I don’t want to be told or advised where my feet should be. I’m 43 years old. I’ve never found this a problem so why now? This shopping thing really gets me down.

To be honest I’m wondering if it is all worth it anyway. If you believe what you read, you should be questioning whether buying anything at Christmas is a good thing at all. The government say we can’t spend our way out of the Euro crisis and need austerity measures to cut debt, but yet they say that we need growth and that means more people need to spend. So what is it to be?

Still, the shops are doing their best to get us into the high streets. Charlie “Ebenezer” Brooker has delivered a grumpy Christmas rant in The Guardian about how every advert gets on his tits. The only thing is that he has had a pop at the only Christmas advert I actually like. Yep, the John Lewis advert with the little kid who can’t wait to give his mum and dad a present. He joked that the actual gift is probably a family dog’s head.

Sorry Chaz, but once you have kids you’ll understand that people are crying at the John Lewis advert not because the little boy has actually thought of his parents but because deep down in our hearts we know our own little boy would never do such a thing. We wish for it nonetheless and we find comfort in a store that understands our pain and for that we will happily give them our money.

If he really wants to push home a good point stick with that crappy Littlewoods advert for putting huge pressure on parents to go into debt to keep the family happy. Don’t just give a half-hearted whinge that they have used a credit card-wielding mum to smash to smithereens the pretence of a fat man delivering gifts. Oh dear, Littlewoods have forgotten Santa! Big whoop.

So that’s everything you need to know about X Factor for another week. My best blog so far!

Oh, I nearly forgot. Voting is way down and advert revenue is down too so tune in and watch those adverts and spend your cash voting for someone and if you don’t believe it will result in finding a star don’t worry just think – you are contributing to economic growth. Well done!

Next week: I’ll try harder to say something about X Factor and I’ll let you know if Simon Cowell has replied to my tweets. Somehow I doubt it.

Prediction: Special blog on Friday.

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